Yoga Teacher Training: The Waiting Room

Excitedly pregnant and an MBA Student at twenty-seven, I was eager to pursue an advanced degree. One that pulled ideas from the outer, linear world and planted them within me, training me to calculate ROI and analyze management skills. I was a misfit in the business administration program, always initiating the conversations around feelings while my fact driven peers looked on in confusion seeking the quantitative data. 

Once I transitioned to motherhood, the way I experienced the world dramatically shifted along with my understanding that free time is precious and limited. I dropped out of grad school knowing that my heart was with ancient wisdom traditions and philosophies, specifically yoga. Astrological theory soon followed. 

Even though I knew as a new mom I'd eventually study yoga, I waited 14 years. Sometimes the wait frustrated me but mostly I saw the work of mothering as my prerequisite. Inside that vast terrain of guiding growing people and on call nights I found the invite to practice some of the very core tenants of yoga, namely ahimsa (non-harming) and svadhyaya (self-study). When I screwed up, I knew I'd have another chance tomorrow to try my hand at patience again or to turn towards compassion this time.

At 43, I've watched my spouse, friends and cohort flourish in their established careers. I've listened to many grumblings about workplace dramas while I secretly longed to live inside of these careers, drama and all. Simultaneously grateful to be the one who is on the other side of the door to greet my children for hundreds of days on end. I've observed this inner turmoil of longing to be a part of that working world while dancing within the opportunity to be a caregiver and anchor for two amazing humans. 

In that space of 14 years as I was in the waiting room, of what I felt was an inevitable sojourn into Yoga Teacher Training, I created my own version of work through writing, soapmaking and astrology. The work of a creative small business is exhilarating and exhausting. Creative and terrifying. Alive and omnipresent. 

Part-time creative entrepreneurship alongside mothering has been my companion, my playground and my outlet. While in this waiting room to study yoga, I came to learn so much about the healing nature of creativity. I've fallen in love with the mysterious ancient symbolic language of the sky and I've found a way to process intense emotions through my typewriter. Even if those words were just for my eyes.

I was finally ready to have my number called after occupying the waiting room for oh so long. Or so I thought. 

As my studies of yoga deepened, my perspective on so many things altered. I guess this is what I've been waiting for all this time.